October 2018 Dealing with Difficult People Newsletter

Last month we discussed Roberta Cava’s revised edition of her book Workplace Bullying – Society’s Corporate Disgrace. This month we will discuss excerpts from Roberta’s Revised book:

DEALING WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

AND CHILD ABUSE

– Society’s Judicial Disgrace

The vast majority of dangerous abusive and violent behaviours occur in private, in people’s homes and are done by men, against women. And it’s getting worse in Australia since these facts were identified:

ü  1 million Australian women have experienced violence by a previous partner, including violence that occurred both during and after the relationship. (Almost 20% of the female population of Australia);

ü  23 per cent of Australian women who have never been married or in a de-facto relationship experienced violence by a partner at some time during the relationship.

ü  Of all murder-suicides in Australia, 43 per cent were committed by partners or former partners of the victims.

ü  In Queensland domestic homicides, 82 per cent of victims were female and 82 per cent of offenders were male.

ü  A survey held at the Emergency department of the Royal Brisbane hospital, 23.6 per cent of the female respondents indicated a history of experiencing domestic violence.

ü  It was found that 70 - 80 per cent of all victims of domestic violence seek medical assistance at least once.

ü  A further study undertaken at the Pre-Natal clinic at Royal Brisbane hospital found that 29.7 per cent of pregnant women had a history of experiencing abuse and 8.9 per cent suffered abuse during pregnancy.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CYCLE OF ABUSE

1. Husband / partner beats;

2. Husband/partner apologizes – courts wife - gives gifts;

3. Honeymoon stage - wife may feel guilty that she made him feel so bad that he had to hit her. She feels the need to be punished for doing this; and

4. Repeat of the above.

We need a genuine and concerted effort by society, government, business, industry, education, medical and social agencies, as well as individuals (such as you and me) to get to the root cause of violence, to break the cycle. The solution is to enforce zero tolerance to abuse of any kind whether it is physical, emotional or mental.

It’s often difficult for parents who were abused as children, to make the connection between their adult struggle with depression, substance abuse, low self-esteem, and their bad childhood relationships. To them, love and not being safe, seem to go together. Those who were abused as children need counselling before they start a relationship and have children. 

Tip of the month: (Excerpt from Roberta Cava's book Dealing with Difficult People).

How to Deal with Bullies:

Bullies use fear, cruelty and threats to control others. Although they often fool others into believing they have high self-esteem, the opposite is true. That’s why they go after those who appear weak and passive. The hair on the back of your neck will rise when these people enter the room. Instead of behaving submissively around them, stand your ground. To overcome:

1.    Let Bullies fully vent their anger without retaliating, remembering that you control whether you accept their anger or are unaffected by it.

2.    Confirm that you understand their side of the issue (using paraphrasing).

3.    If they bully you in public, deal with them immediately. Don’t wait until you have a private moment, as you would with other, less aggressive people.

4.    Encourage them to obtain anger management.

To order copies of this book in both paperback and eBook editions, go to: https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-Domestic-Violence-Child-Abuse/dp/0992340225/ref=sr_1_51?ie=UTF8&qid=1533939680&sr=8-51&keywords=Roberta+Cava

Why not look up our web page:  www.dealingwithdifficultpeople.info and learn about all of Roberta Cava’s books (34+) - sample chapters are free.