October 2018 Dealing with Difficult People Newsletter

Last month we discussed Roberta Cava’s revised edition of her book Workplace Bullying – Society’s Corporate Disgrace. This month we will discuss excerpts from Roberta’s Revised book:

DEALING WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

AND CHILD ABUSE

– Society’s Judicial Disgrace

The vast majority of dangerous abusive and violent behaviours occur in private, in people’s homes and are done by men, against women. And it’s getting worse in Australia since these facts were identified:

ü  1 million Australian women have experienced violence by a previous partner, including violence that occurred both during and after the relationship. (Almost 20% of the female population of Australia);

ü  23 per cent of Australian women who have never been married or in a de-facto relationship experienced violence by a partner at some time during the relationship.

ü  Of all murder-suicides in Australia, 43 per cent were committed by partners or former partners of the victims.

ü  In Queensland domestic homicides, 82 per cent of victims were female and 82 per cent of offenders were male.

ü  A survey held at the Emergency department of the Royal Brisbane hospital, 23.6 per cent of the female respondents indicated a history of experiencing domestic violence.

ü  It was found that 70 - 80 per cent of all victims of domestic violence seek medical assistance at least once.

ü  A further study undertaken at the Pre-Natal clinic at Royal Brisbane hospital found that 29.7 per cent of pregnant women had a history of experiencing abuse and 8.9 per cent suffered abuse during pregnancy.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CYCLE OF ABUSE

1. Husband / partner beats;

2. Husband/partner apologizes – courts wife - gives gifts;

3. Honeymoon stage - wife may feel guilty that she made him feel so bad that he had to hit her. She feels the need to be punished for doing this; and

4. Repeat of the above.

We need a genuine and concerted effort by society, government, business, industry, education, medical and social agencies, as well as individuals (such as you and me) to get to the root cause of violence, to break the cycle. The solution is to enforce zero tolerance to abuse of any kind whether it is physical, emotional or mental.

It’s often difficult for parents who were abused as children, to make the connection between their adult struggle with depression, substance abuse, low self-esteem, and their bad childhood relationships. To them, love and not being safe, seem to go together. Those who were abused as children need counselling before they start a relationship and have children. 

Tip of the month: (Excerpt from Roberta Cava's book Dealing with Difficult People).

How to Deal with Bullies:

Bullies use fear, cruelty and threats to control others. Although they often fool others into believing they have high self-esteem, the opposite is true. That’s why they go after those who appear weak and passive. The hair on the back of your neck will rise when these people enter the room. Instead of behaving submissively around them, stand your ground. To overcome:

1.    Let Bullies fully vent their anger without retaliating, remembering that you control whether you accept their anger or are unaffected by it.

2.    Confirm that you understand their side of the issue (using paraphrasing).

3.    If they bully you in public, deal with them immediately. Don’t wait until you have a private moment, as you would with other, less aggressive people.

4.    Encourage them to obtain anger management.

To order copies of this book in both paperback and eBook editions, go to: https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-Domestic-Violence-Child-Abuse/dp/0992340225/ref=sr_1_51?ie=UTF8&qid=1533939680&sr=8-51&keywords=Roberta+Cava

Why not look up our web page:  www.dealingwithdifficultpeople.info and learn about all of Roberta Cava’s books (34+) - sample chapters are free.

September 2018 Dealing with Difficult People Newsletter

Last month we discussed Roberta Cava’s revised edition of her book Dealing with Difficult People. This month we will discuss excerpts from Roberta’s Revised book:

DEALING WITH WORKPLACE BULLYING

Society’s Corporate Disgrace

Bullying in the workplace has proven to be one of the most costly disciplinary matters a company can deal with.  If not dealt with swiftly and aggressively, it can result in loss of productivity and de-motivation of any staff who have either observed or been subjected to the bullying. It can cause high absenteeism, loss of job satisfaction and often involves the loss of good employees who will not tolerate such seemingly condoned behaviour in their companies.

In Australia, estimates of harassment in the workplace range from 400,000 to two million workers affected each year!  This affects up to five million workers at some point during their working lives (Beyond Bullying Association 2001).  With a total Australian population of 22 million people and over 11.5 million people in the workplace - this is not a problem - it’s an epidemic!

Bullying costs the Australian economy up to $13 Billion a year in absenteeism, compensation, management time and lost productivity. 1,100 Victorian claims for compensation because of workplace violence, harassment and bullying cost $26 Billion. Half of workplaces employ bullies, and up to half of all workers will be bullied at least once during their careers.

Bullying and intimidation has a large impact on the culture of all businesses and must not be ignored by senior executives.  Anti-bullying policies need to be built into the way all businesses function with both its staff members and their customers.  Many supervisory and management staff desperately need anti-bullying courses to learn how to deal with and stop bullying.  Only then, will many be forced to consider whether their own behaviour could be considered as harassment or bullying.

So, what constitutes workplace bullying?

·       being belittled, demeaned or patronized especially in front of others. This chips away at the person’s status, self-confidence, worth and potential;

·       being disgraced, shouted at and threatened, often in front of others;

·       making snide comments to see if the person will fight back;

·       finding fault and criticising everything the victim says and does or twisting, distorting and misrepresenting the victim. The criticism is of a trivial nature and often contains a grain of truth. This can dupe the victim into believing the criticism is valid.

·       an unvarying refusal to recognise the victim’s contributions;

·       treating them differently by showing favouritism to others and bias towards the victim.

Senior executives need to examine their company’s vision.  Many company visions state that they care about the people that work for them and provide an environment free of harassment of any kind - but fail to enforce that vision.  It doesn’t matter how good technology is in a company - it’s the people that make things happen.  Unhappy, harassed employees simply can’t accomplish this.

When I started writing my book about workplace bullying, I intended to concentrate only on workplace bullying, but soon recognised that most bullies begin their harassment of others very early in their lives - often in the home. There’s a lot of anecdotal evidence to suggest that people who are bullies as adults witnessed bullying in their home. Most were bullies at school and learned they could get away with it.

Children watch how their parents and siblings settle disputes. If conflicts are settled by negotiation and discussion, children learn to use their heads instead of their fists or bullying behaviour to deal with difficult situations. However, if the parents (their role models) deal with disputes by having shouting matches or using aggressive behaviour - these children will likely clone this behaviour with their friends and siblings.

Do all children from such homes become bullies - of course not, but the apple seldom falls far from the tree. Under most circumstances, the bullying child will have bullying parents.

And then there’s the school system. Slowly, but surely government bodies have taken the control away from teachers and administrators. These teachers are forced to teach at the level of the lowest common denominator in their classes and spend much of their valuable time trying to re-channel the energies of their hyperactive or bullying students. There are too many students per teacher, so teachers spend less time with each child. School curriculum puts heavy emphasis on knowledge and little on how to work co-operatively with others. Sometimes teachers and schools find it easier to “look the other way” when faced with a bullying episode.

If bullies get away with their actions at home and at school - their next targets are in the workplace. My workplace bullying book tackles the treatment of workplace bullying, harassment and violence. It includes definitions of what is harassment and bullying; how and why it happens; it helps you see bullying from both the victim and bully’s sides; and identifies the appalling lack of governmental action that’s not given to improve the handling of such cases.

And what do the business owners say? We need protection from being charged with unfair dismissal when we try to get rid of bludgers and bad employees. Well - that falls under the Industrial Relations / Labour / Employment laws that should clearly point out what employers need to do to document, discipline and fire employees. If you’re harassing your employees, you deserve to be punished.

Tip of the month: (Excerpt from Roberta Cava's book Dealing with Difficult People).

How to deal with Intimidators:

Whenever they don't get what they want, they use hidden ways to threaten, coerce, hurt or embarrass others. Staff feel powerless when the intimidator is their boss. They're noted for stabbing others in the back, so don't drop your guard and be ready for an attack. To overcome:

1.    Prepare yourself psychologically for your next encounter.

2.    Rehearse how you will respond the next time they try to intimidate you.

3.    Walk away from them, explaining that their tactics aren't going to work on you any more.

4.    If this is your boss, call in reinforcements by speaking with someone in the Human Resources Department, a mediator or an employee relations manager. If necessary, go above your boss's head to his or her manager. Make sure you bring facts with you, not assumptions and innuendoes.

5.    If upper management won't help, contact the Your local Anti-Discrimination commission will advise you on how to proceed against a boss who uses harassment to coerce staff.

To order copies of Dealing with Workplace Bullying books, go to:

Paperback https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-Workplace-Bullying-Soceitys-Corporate/dp/0992565979/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1533939911&sr=8-7&keywords=Dealing+with+Workplace+Bullying

eBook https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-Workplace-Bullying-Societys-Corporate-ebook/dp/B0725Z18K2/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1533939974&sr=8-8&keywords=Dealing+with+Workplace+Bullying

Why not look up our web page:  www.dealingwithdifficultpeople.info/books and learn all about Roberta Cava’s 34+ books (sample chapters are free) and services we offer and especially the paperback and eBooks that discuss bullying.