HAPPY NEW YEAR!

Last month we discussed: Career Counselling

Why not consider purchasing Roberta Cava’s revised edition of:

HOW WOMEN CAN ADVANCE IN BUSINESS

- AND BREAK THE GLASS CEILING

Are you one of the many women who have overpaid their dues in low-paying, low-status jobs as receptionists, clerks and personal assistants? Were you not considered for a promotion you thought you had earned? And do you wonder “What am I doing wrong?”

Designed to help women succeed in business, How Woman Can Advance in Business analyzes the tradition of corporate gamesmanship in business. Roberta Cava interviewed over 700 managers to find out why they weren’t promoting more women. She shows how smart women often make crucial mistakes, only because they don’t know the rules of the game and how to play them. Here is tried and true advice on everything you need to get ahead.

Whether you’re planning to move out of a support position or are already climbing the corporate ladder, you will find this book an eye-opening and practical guide.

Chapters include:

Chapter 1 – On the home front

Chapter 2 – Why managers say they don’t promote more women

Chapter 3 – Games played in business

Chapter 4 -Career Goals

Chapter 5 – How to obtain the salary you’re worth

Chapter 6 – How to handle being overlooked for a promotion and other work-related problems

Chapter 7 – Problems of female supervisors

Chapter 8 – How to be a good supervisor

Chapter 9 – How to feel good about yourself

Chapter 10 – How to work effectively with male supervisors, peers and subordinates

Chapter 11 – Office and travel tips for new managers

Chapter 12 – Networking, mentors and affirmative action

Chapter 13 – Could you be a successful entrepreneur

Also: How to obtain career counselling

Roberta Cava started her career as a secretary and has been “climbing” ever since. She opened her first international training company in Edmonton, Alberta, Canada – her second in Maui, Hawaii and is now the owner of Cava Consulting in Queensland, Australia.

She has presented her seminars worldwide, including her most popular session: Dealing with Difficult People that has been presented to over 55,000 participants.

She is the author of 34 books – 29 non-fiction and 5 fiction, and will be writing more.

If you wish to order a copy of this revised paperback edition: https://www.amazon.com/dp/0992340233/ref=cm_sw_su_dp

The cost is $15.99 plus shipping and handling.

Or, order a copy of the eBook version ($9.99): go to: www.smashwords.com/books/view/52638 

Why not look up our web page and learn all about the books Roberta has written? (Sample chapters are free.) www.dealingwithdifficultpeople.info

November 2018 Dealing with Difficult People Newsletter

Last month we discussed Roberta Cava’s revised edition of her book Dealing with Domestic Violence and Child Abuse – Society’s Judicial Disgrace! This month we will discuss Australia’s epidemic with drugs.

SYNTHETIC AND ILLICIT DRUGS

Last month Crime Stoppers launched a new “Dob in a Dealer” campaign. In their notification they state, “Did you know that Australia has one of the highest rates of illegal use per capita of drugs in the world?”

I have written books and have done hundreds of talks about drugs. Here is some of the information I discuss:

Many people believe that marihuana (cannabis) is safe. They’re wrong! They might be buying synthetic cannabis instead. Synthetic cannabis is one hundred times stronger than marijuana. It is essentially plant material that has been sprayed with chemicals and can cause irreparable kidney damage.

Spice was the earliest in a series of synthetic cannabis products sold in many European countries. Since then several similar products have been developed, such as Kronic, Northern Lights, Mojo, Lightning Gold, Lightning Red and Godfather.

People smoke these products, so they can experience a 'high' like marijuana. Synthetic cannabis is also sold as a tea for eighty dollars for a three-gram packet. It’s been associated with an increasing number of deaths and serious adverse effects.

Some people have experienced severe mental health effects including hallucinations, psychosis, panic and anxiety after taking synthetic cannabis. Although they’re popular among young people (especially teenagers) evidence suggests they are also popular with adults in their twenties and thirties. A 2011 survey of 316 users of synthetic cannabis products found that fifty per cent of users were aged twenty-eight and over and a quarter were over thirty-five.

And that is not the only synthetic drug out there.

The over two hundred new synthetic drugs are often marketed in little packets that look like collector cards using such names as: OMG, Tai High, Rave, Kapow, Amsterdam Royal, Kryp2nite K2, Black Mamba, Smacked, Spice, Benzo Fury, Minga, White Revolver, Blueberry and the one that has caused innumerable deaths – 251-NBom (i.e.: N-Bomb) that is twenty-five times stronger than LSD.

To date, these new drugs have killed hundreds of people in Australia and many more world-wide. They can be ordered over the internet mainly from China where the drugs are legal, but as soon as they leave China, they are illegal. They are cheap and are sold as ‘legal highs.’ There have been many deaths and users (some of them very young) suffer from terrible health problems such as strokes, heart damage, kidney/renal damage, violent outbursts, psychosis, irrational fears and depression.

The synthetic drug trade has invaded our youth and we’re having a terrible time keeping these drug dealers from hurting our youngsters. Some of the people selling these synthetic drugs are earning up to thirty thousand dollars a day, so it’s hard to discourage them from selling them when the profits are so good, making users guinea pigs and crash-test dummies, while the criminals rake in the profits.

There’s a new counterculture that exploits the legal loopholes that give users a mind-altering high by changing the chemical makeup of synthetic drugs to keep ahead of what the police can do to stop them.

Our biggest problem is that we don’t know what’s in many of these drugs – but we do know the results – organ failure, seizures, and paranoia.

Community-minded people are encouraged to report seeing any of these drugs before someone else ends up in an emergency ward of a hospital or die by calling the Crime Stoppers hotline (valid across Australia) 1-800-333-000. Callers can remain anonymous.

At the end of May 2015, a drug derived from cannabis lost its status as a poison in Australia and will be included on the list of prescription-only medications. Trials of medicinal cannabis were begun in 2015 in Queensland, NSW and Victoria. Cannabis itself remains illegal in all states of Australia.

You can learn more about this topic by reading Roberta Cava’s book “Keeping Our Children Safe” that can be ordered from Amazon Books:

https://www.amazon.com/Keeping-Children-Safe-Roberta-Cava/dp/0992565995/ref=sr_1_4?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1538605026&sr=1-4&keywords=Keeping+Our+Children+Safe

Why not look up our web page:  www.dealingwithdifficultpeople.info and learn about all of Roberta Cava’s books (34+) - sample chapters are free.

October 2018 Dealing with Difficult People Newsletter

Last month we discussed Roberta Cava’s revised edition of her book Workplace Bullying – Society’s Corporate Disgrace. This month we will discuss excerpts from Roberta’s Revised book:

DEALING WITH DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

AND CHILD ABUSE

– Society’s Judicial Disgrace

The vast majority of dangerous abusive and violent behaviours occur in private, in people’s homes and are done by men, against women. And it’s getting worse in Australia since these facts were identified:

ü  1 million Australian women have experienced violence by a previous partner, including violence that occurred both during and after the relationship. (Almost 20% of the female population of Australia);

ü  23 per cent of Australian women who have never been married or in a de-facto relationship experienced violence by a partner at some time during the relationship.

ü  Of all murder-suicides in Australia, 43 per cent were committed by partners or former partners of the victims.

ü  In Queensland domestic homicides, 82 per cent of victims were female and 82 per cent of offenders were male.

ü  A survey held at the Emergency department of the Royal Brisbane hospital, 23.6 per cent of the female respondents indicated a history of experiencing domestic violence.

ü  It was found that 70 - 80 per cent of all victims of domestic violence seek medical assistance at least once.

ü  A further study undertaken at the Pre-Natal clinic at Royal Brisbane hospital found that 29.7 per cent of pregnant women had a history of experiencing abuse and 8.9 per cent suffered abuse during pregnancy.

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE CYCLE OF ABUSE

1. Husband / partner beats;

2. Husband/partner apologizes – courts wife - gives gifts;

3. Honeymoon stage - wife may feel guilty that she made him feel so bad that he had to hit her. She feels the need to be punished for doing this; and

4. Repeat of the above.

We need a genuine and concerted effort by society, government, business, industry, education, medical and social agencies, as well as individuals (such as you and me) to get to the root cause of violence, to break the cycle. The solution is to enforce zero tolerance to abuse of any kind whether it is physical, emotional or mental.

It’s often difficult for parents who were abused as children, to make the connection between their adult struggle with depression, substance abuse, low self-esteem, and their bad childhood relationships. To them, love and not being safe, seem to go together. Those who were abused as children need counselling before they start a relationship and have children. 

Tip of the month: (Excerpt from Roberta Cava's book Dealing with Difficult People).

How to Deal with Bullies:

Bullies use fear, cruelty and threats to control others. Although they often fool others into believing they have high self-esteem, the opposite is true. That’s why they go after those who appear weak and passive. The hair on the back of your neck will rise when these people enter the room. Instead of behaving submissively around them, stand your ground. To overcome:

1.    Let Bullies fully vent their anger without retaliating, remembering that you control whether you accept their anger or are unaffected by it.

2.    Confirm that you understand their side of the issue (using paraphrasing).

3.    If they bully you in public, deal with them immediately. Don’t wait until you have a private moment, as you would with other, less aggressive people.

4.    Encourage them to obtain anger management.

To order copies of this book in both paperback and eBook editions, go to: https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-Domestic-Violence-Child-Abuse/dp/0992340225/ref=sr_1_51?ie=UTF8&qid=1533939680&sr=8-51&keywords=Roberta+Cava

Why not look up our web page:  www.dealingwithdifficultpeople.info and learn about all of Roberta Cava’s books (34+) - sample chapters are free.

September 2018 Dealing with Difficult People Newsletter

Last month we discussed Roberta Cava’s revised edition of her book Dealing with Difficult People. This month we will discuss excerpts from Roberta’s Revised book:

DEALING WITH WORKPLACE BULLYING

Society’s Corporate Disgrace

Bullying in the workplace has proven to be one of the most costly disciplinary matters a company can deal with.  If not dealt with swiftly and aggressively, it can result in loss of productivity and de-motivation of any staff who have either observed or been subjected to the bullying. It can cause high absenteeism, loss of job satisfaction and often involves the loss of good employees who will not tolerate such seemingly condoned behaviour in their companies.

In Australia, estimates of harassment in the workplace range from 400,000 to two million workers affected each year!  This affects up to five million workers at some point during their working lives (Beyond Bullying Association 2001).  With a total Australian population of 22 million people and over 11.5 million people in the workplace - this is not a problem - it’s an epidemic!

Bullying costs the Australian economy up to $13 Billion a year in absenteeism, compensation, management time and lost productivity. 1,100 Victorian claims for compensation because of workplace violence, harassment and bullying cost $26 Billion. Half of workplaces employ bullies, and up to half of all workers will be bullied at least once during their careers.

Bullying and intimidation has a large impact on the culture of all businesses and must not be ignored by senior executives.  Anti-bullying policies need to be built into the way all businesses function with both its staff members and their customers.  Many supervisory and management staff desperately need anti-bullying courses to learn how to deal with and stop bullying.  Only then, will many be forced to consider whether their own behaviour could be considered as harassment or bullying.

So, what constitutes workplace bullying?

·       being belittled, demeaned or patronized especially in front of others. This chips away at the person’s status, self-confidence, worth and potential;

·       being disgraced, shouted at and threatened, often in front of others;

·       making snide comments to see if the person will fight back;

·       finding fault and criticising everything the victim says and does or twisting, distorting and misrepresenting the victim. The criticism is of a trivial nature and often contains a grain of truth. This can dupe the victim into believing the criticism is valid.

·       an unvarying refusal to recognise the victim’s contributions;

·       treating them differently by showing favouritism to others and bias towards the victim.

Senior executives need to examine their company’s vision.  Many company visions state that they care about the people that work for them and provide an environment free of harassment of any kind - but fail to enforce that vision.  It doesn’t matter how good technology is in a company - it’s the people that make things happen.  Unhappy, harassed employees simply can’t accomplish this.

When I started writing my book about workplace bullying, I intended to concentrate only on workplace bullying, but soon recognised that most bullies begin their harassment of others very early in their lives - often in the home. There’s a lot of anecdotal evidence to suggest that people who are bullies as adults witnessed bullying in their home. Most were bullies at school and learned they could get away with it.

Children watch how their parents and siblings settle disputes. If conflicts are settled by negotiation and discussion, children learn to use their heads instead of their fists or bullying behaviour to deal with difficult situations. However, if the parents (their role models) deal with disputes by having shouting matches or using aggressive behaviour - these children will likely clone this behaviour with their friends and siblings.

Do all children from such homes become bullies - of course not, but the apple seldom falls far from the tree. Under most circumstances, the bullying child will have bullying parents.

And then there’s the school system. Slowly, but surely government bodies have taken the control away from teachers and administrators. These teachers are forced to teach at the level of the lowest common denominator in their classes and spend much of their valuable time trying to re-channel the energies of their hyperactive or bullying students. There are too many students per teacher, so teachers spend less time with each child. School curriculum puts heavy emphasis on knowledge and little on how to work co-operatively with others. Sometimes teachers and schools find it easier to “look the other way” when faced with a bullying episode.

If bullies get away with their actions at home and at school - their next targets are in the workplace. My workplace bullying book tackles the treatment of workplace bullying, harassment and violence. It includes definitions of what is harassment and bullying; how and why it happens; it helps you see bullying from both the victim and bully’s sides; and identifies the appalling lack of governmental action that’s not given to improve the handling of such cases.

And what do the business owners say? We need protection from being charged with unfair dismissal when we try to get rid of bludgers and bad employees. Well - that falls under the Industrial Relations / Labour / Employment laws that should clearly point out what employers need to do to document, discipline and fire employees. If you’re harassing your employees, you deserve to be punished.

Tip of the month: (Excerpt from Roberta Cava's book Dealing with Difficult People).

How to deal with Intimidators:

Whenever they don't get what they want, they use hidden ways to threaten, coerce, hurt or embarrass others. Staff feel powerless when the intimidator is their boss. They're noted for stabbing others in the back, so don't drop your guard and be ready for an attack. To overcome:

1.    Prepare yourself psychologically for your next encounter.

2.    Rehearse how you will respond the next time they try to intimidate you.

3.    Walk away from them, explaining that their tactics aren't going to work on you any more.

4.    If this is your boss, call in reinforcements by speaking with someone in the Human Resources Department, a mediator or an employee relations manager. If necessary, go above your boss's head to his or her manager. Make sure you bring facts with you, not assumptions and innuendoes.

5.    If upper management won't help, contact the Your local Anti-Discrimination commission will advise you on how to proceed against a boss who uses harassment to coerce staff.

To order copies of Dealing with Workplace Bullying books, go to:

Paperback https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-Workplace-Bullying-Soceitys-Corporate/dp/0992565979/ref=sr_1_7?ie=UTF8&qid=1533939911&sr=8-7&keywords=Dealing+with+Workplace+Bullying

eBook https://www.amazon.com/Dealing-Workplace-Bullying-Societys-Corporate-ebook/dp/B0725Z18K2/ref=sr_1_8?ie=UTF8&qid=1533939974&sr=8-8&keywords=Dealing+with+Workplace+Bullying

Why not look up our web page:  www.dealingwithdifficultpeople.info/books and learn all about Roberta Cava’s 34+ books (sample chapters are free) and services we offer and especially the paperback and eBooks that discuss bullying.

August 2018 Dealing with Difficult People Newsletter

Last month we discussed Roberta Cava’s Dealing with Difficult People  book now translated into Spanish. This month we will discuss excerpts from Roberta’s Revised English Language book:

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE

How to deal with nasty customers, demanding bosses and uncooperative colleagues
Here are excerpts from Chapter 2 of this book:

PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE MANIPULATORS

These people can be very dangerous. They have a pathological reaction to authority and those they perceive are in positions of authority. They channel their aggression into passive behaviour by slowing down efforts of others and stonewall progress. They're very hard to detect, and others often feel frustrated when dealing with them but don't always understand why.

As most of us grow up, we're faced with restrictions that are normal and necessary. People with this tendency have often been controlled excessively, so the person learns to control others without confrontation. They love the thrill of insubordination, and it sometimes doesn't matter if they win, if it appears their opponents loose. They love to play win-lose games and put something over on others.

They use excuses such as: ‘It's not my fault this didn't work, it's yours.’ They show frequent signs of helplessness - the simplest thing seems beyond their comprehension. They provoke a feeling of defensiveness when others are dealing with them. Most tasks are performed late or not at all. When prodded they become argumentative. They're backstabbers, gossipers and are often so good at it that others believe their falsehoods.

Most people display the above signs at one time or another. However, if this develops into being their normal behaviour, these people are likely passive-aggressive, and others will have to remain on guard when dealing with them. Confront them using facts when you ‘catch them in the act.’ Make sure they understand the consequences of their actions, ‘If this happens again, I'll...’

Some serious passive / aggressives have criminal tendencies. These people get a thrill out of speeding - of drinking and driving - and getting away with it. In some, this tendency keeps accelerating because they require higher and higher levels of danger, thrills and excitement to keep them appeased.

Tantrum-throwers

Adult tantrums are designed to cope with feelings of fear, helplessness and frustration. To a child, tantrums are a great equalizing mechanism. Such disruptive behaviour continues into adulthood if the outbursts still work. However, tantrums produce a greater backwash of anger and resistance than any of the other difficult behaviours. Coping with a person having a tantrum is chiefly a matter of helping them regain self-control. To overcome;

1. Give them time to run down and regain self-control.
2. Because tantrums are used to get attention, give them the opposite by saying, ‘I’ll give you a chance to calm down, then we can discuss this rationally.’ Then walk away from them. This is a form of bullying.
3. If they continue with this behaviour, explain that their behaviour is unacceptable, and you won’t talk to them until they calm down.
4. Encourage them to obtain help in handling their anger.
    

Intimidators

Whenever they don’t get what they want, they use hidden ways to threaten, coerce, hurt or embarrass others. Staff feel powerless when the intimidator is their boss. They’re noted for ‘stabbing’ others in the back, so don’t drop your guard and be ready for an attack. To overcome:

1. Prepare yourself psychologically for your next encounter.
2. Rehearse how you will respond the next time they try to intimidate you.
3. Walk away from them explaining that their tactics aren’t going to work on you any more.
4. If this is your boss, call in reinforcements by speaking with someone in the human resources department, a mediator, employee relations manager, or as a last resort go above your boss’s head to his or her manager. Make sure you bring facts with you - not assumptions and innuendoes. For example, ‘On Monday, my boss said . . .’ ‘On Tuesday s/he did ...’
5. If upper management won’t help you, write a letter of resignation outlining in detail, your reasons for leaving, then lodge a complaint of harassment against your boss and the company.

 

Time Bombs

This type of individual attacks the person, not their ideas, often using labels to let them know that their opponent is dumb, stupid or error‑prone. If others disagree with their ideas, they believe they're being criticised at a personal level, so their attack is done with a vengeance. They have no qualms about attacking others in public and like to appear the victor. However, as this person has tackled most observers themselves, they're seldom taken in by the person's behaviour. To overcome:

1. Don’t let them goad you into making rash statements or to over-react. Keep your cool, using facts to defend your ideas.
2. Confront them privately, warning them that if they continue to belittle you in public that you will be forced to retaliate.
3. Encourage them to obtain help in handling their anger.

 To order large print paperback or eBook editions, go to:

https://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_noss?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=Roberta+Cava&rh=n%3A283155%2Ck%3ARoberta+Cava

Why not look up our web page and learn all about the paperback, large print and eBooks Roberta Cava has written? Go to:

www.dealingwithdifficultpeople.info/books/index.htm